There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Come on in and take your pants off
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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