When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
