Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
