It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
