it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
