Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
