I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
smell my finger.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
