After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
