I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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