When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
