She said her name was "party"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
