i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
