"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
