No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
