How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
