He kissed a someone with a penis
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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