Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
