Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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