Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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