I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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