I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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