Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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