Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
