For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize