worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize