I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
