Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
