wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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