I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
