the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
