i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You made out with two different species that night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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