What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
