I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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