and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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