i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
