I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
