I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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