I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
