Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ambien. No doubt about it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I didn't notice because vodka
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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