Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
