If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
