im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
