he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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