I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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