K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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