how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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