Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
