I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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