That's when you crack a 10am beer
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
