Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Congratulations! We have a period
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