He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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