WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
