p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize