I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
