btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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