i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
