Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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