I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize