hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
