24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just googled if crying burns calories
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
