OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
