I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
