New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
