So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
