I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
