More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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