I just pynch a tree in the face
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
